Trailblazing

Trailblazing
Father Ship Down

I am the father that I never had
Ever confronting the father I did have
Both within and without
Both in women and in men
Acquainted with his illness only too well
Whether standing against it
Or caught myself in its spell
Holding on to stay course
And clear of harm’s way
With my son’s life in hand
Intertwined with my own
And no recourse in sight
But to continue the fight
Till exhausted from maintaining damage control
I’ve gone overboard
In my own burst of ire
Lost in the wake
Of a life long miss-take
Knocked out, half drowned
And finally drained of the venom we bore
As the tide takes me in
To be washed up on shore

-2-


Where all time subsides
In deference to a dream
At present unfolding
In the fabric of life
And I know though I’ve yet
To take the right tack
Or the steps that are needed
To transcend this quickmire
And despite all the obstacles
That await my next move
This heart will succeed
Where intention has failed


In the dream I’m wrenched out
From my dubious state
By a hand that holds fast
As I’m pulled to my feet
Where, as if he’d been waiting
Before time began
For the chance to catch sight
Of his prodigal dad,
My son comes up running
With all of his might

-3-


And leaps towards my arms
To be caught in mid-flight!
The tears in his eyes
Anointing our soul
With a love that absolves
As it pierces my heart
And cuts through the din
Of all origin


As we come to our senses
Where life’s been on hold
We repair to a land
Long obscured from our sight
Awake from an old dream
That came half from without
Frustrating, confusing, tyrannically cynical,
Posing existential questions,
Pervaded with doubt


But the land offers refuge
And solace and balm
A place we can heal
From the wounds we’ve incurred

-4-


In our long bout with life,
Ourselves, and our world
Finding life in the love
Of which we are part
On a trail ours to blaze
Through all we’ve withstood
To be hacked out and honed
And blazed with our blood
At the points where we’ve fought
For our true livelihood


Now off on a journey
For all that it’s worth
Midst the echoing din
And the pains of re-birth
Held to our course
By the thread-holds of grace
And the state that we’re in
Of authentic embrace
Heart to heart
Face to face
Not all ways aye to aye
Yet still hand in hand

-5-


And although what’s transpired
(And transpires still)
Appears destined to remain
Beyond my mortal grasp
It seems again I’m the father
That I never had
Yet, since fathership is something
I know little of
Save for running on instinct and feeling,
And prayer, and wit
I often turn to my son to know what to do
The master of balance
Who knows the right stance
Be it in holding one’s own
Or freedom in dance
The boy who came running
To reclaim his dad
Standing in seaweed, and driftwood,
And mussels, and crabs
He, who is me, who is he
Half father, half other, half son